Why We Love EP (Qstieveh)

I dedicate this post to EP. Which is really something, seeing as it's not even her birthday. As I was contemplating what my next post should be about, try as I might, I just could not resist the urge to share a few of the many hysterical moments of EP's life. I sincerely hope she doesn't mind, it's best that we document these momentous occasions anyway.

To begin, I will tell the story of how M came to be called EP. Many of you know the facts already, though you may not have realized that EP is indeed her tried and true nickname. Hence forth, feel free to call her the Earl of Pleasure. Once upon a time, us girls were on our annual trip to Las Vegas. We stayed in the Planet Hollywood, formerly known as the Aladdin, and were quite surprised upon seeing the changes that awaited us at the casino. The Aladdin had been fun loving, festive, and friendly- I mean really, though Las Vegas style, it's still Disney. Planet Hollywood, on the other hand, was a complete 180. One of the most interesting attractions that couldn't be bypassed was of course, the pleasure pit (I will leave it up to your imagination to puzzle out that one. On second thought, that might not be so wise. Not too worry, it is simply a box like area where people (mainly pervy men) go to play cards and happen to be surrounded by scantily clad girls and poles (Side note, I have always wanted to take pole dancing lessons, I hear it's becoming all the rage. Reputable and appropriate only of course. That or belly dancing). Needless to say, we avoided the pleasure pit at all costs. Also in Planet Hollywood is a lunch place called the Earl of Sandwich. One day, we were sitting in the dressing room of Barney's. Of course, we'd been shopping since dawn and everyone was starving. People threw out suggestions as to where we might go and eat lunch. EP (I think she was in Jr. High at the time) says as if she had an epiphany, "I know (index finger up), let's go to the Earl of Pleasure!!!" Little EP had mixed up the pleasure pit and the earl of sandwich. And that was the beginning.

Quite possibly the best sacrament meeting I have ever experienced was once, long ago, before B was married, when B was dating O, around the time EP was reading Eragon, and when I was still in high school. B, EP, and I used to write notes on the sacrament programs. Little witty remarks that, more than not, got EP fuming. This occasion was no exception. I started asking EP about the book she was reading (ask aka wrote on the program). After a long train of comments, we somehow managed to get on the topic of her and her love for dwarves. I recall mentioning that she was probably going to marry a dwarf-one similar to Gimli from LOTR or Orrik from Eragon. EP got all huffy and miffed. I asked, "I wonder what your children will look like." EP: "They will be huma-dwarves." That word was the crucial turning point in the note passing conversation. The H looks scarily like an N so naturally, I changed things up a bit to make it look like nudewarves. ME: "Nudewarves? What are those? Your children are going to be nude?" EP: "No, you stupid. I wrote HUMADWARVES like HUMAN Dwarf. ME: "No, that definitely says nudewarves. Creepy. Maybe they will be bearded like Gimli. Bearded nudewarves. EP: "No, stupid. The only one that will be bearded is YOU." On and on things went, just like this, for the remainder of the meeting. I even kept all of the programs as prove. They are currently in the glove box in the Blue Honda. In the end, it was determined that EP would indeed have her own little nude, bearded children running around.

[Drawing omitted]

Last but not least, is the story of Qstieveh. If you've met EP, you might know that she writes books with her friend Bella Meister. Usually, these books are written via email or googledocs and no one ever has an opportunity to read them. Though once, EP decided to share some facts about her book with us. She told us a wonderful fantasy story about a princess, a boy, and an evil king. This evil king's name, I saw, happened to be written as Qstieveh. Me: "Qstieveh (trying as best as I could to sound it out). That's difficult to say. EP: "Duh, it's pronounced Steve." Of course, Qstieveh= Steve, the most logical way to pronounce such a word.

These are just a few EP moments. She's quite a gem. EP, I only wish I were half as hysterical as you.

PS: I will never forget last April fool's day when EP texted me and said (direct quote), "You have ass burgers?" Funnily enough, we just happened to be going through Mickey D's drive through. O, B, and I got a kick out of nearly ordering those.